Episode 12 - How do I overcome purity culture and enjoy sex?

For this episode, we have Angela Jensen Ramirez, a certified sex therapist and a certified emotionally focused couple’s therapist. We will be talking about purity culture because there’s a lot of apprehension around sex when people have come from such a culture. 

We wanted to talk more about this after we received a message from Nina, a 37-year-old woman, who said that she continues to have guilt after having sex with her long-term partner. She added that she has pain with sex and that she grew up in a very religious community where purity culture was very dominant. 

I came from purity culture, and it took a lot to undo the mindset that comes with it. There are so many things that can be done to help people coming from such culture so they can have enjoyable sex! Please give this episode a listen so we can help you, too, if you are having these problems. 

Let’s talk about:  

00:36 – Introduction for today’s guest 

00:53 – Initial take on sex and purity culture  

03:16 – Introduction to the topic

04:03 – The most common side effects of purity culture that Angela sees  

05:12 – The most common examples of purity culture that Angela saw and how they worked to shed the concept 

06:18 – How I shifted my perspective on sex and purity culture and Angela’s take on the process I did 

08:07 – The problem in our sexuality and anatomy being taught in a non-objective way 

09:48 – The effects of growing up and believing that your anatomy is not something to be cherished

12:14 – What I’ve seen in pelvic floor rehabs when using dilators as an effect of purity culture

13:17 – What will Angela tell and do to people having difficulties doing rehab activities 

17:30 – Purity culture in mainstream

18:30– One essential thing that is needed in sexual pleasure, eroticism, companionship, and different aspects of life that are viewed negatively 

20:41– How people often forget that their sexuality and sexual experience should be their priority

22:38– Different factors can contribute to pain with sex 

23:10 – The importance of communication during sexual and intimate times 

25:59– What we’re taught about how relationship and marriage should be in terms of sexuality and intimacy, and how does Angela reframe this with her clients 

29:25 – Discussion on consent, reframe mindset adjustment, and owning your individuality 

33:36 – More on our assessment for Nina’s problem 

46:03 – How anxiety, nervousness and tightness in your body mirrors excitement and anticipation physically and how can this help you better understand your body

49:22 – A great exercise you can do daily to be in tune with what’s going on in your body 

50:30 – Angela’s advice to people struggling with their negative narratives and how they can start to change it 

53:36 – Conclusion

If you want to connect with Angela, check her website here - Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist | Anew Therapy | Austin.   

If you have any other questions or topics you want to talk about, send me a message on Instagram. And if you loved this episode, please leave me a rating and a comment with your feedback. Please share this with your friends and loved ones, too!

I also have a free resource for you if you're struggling with bladder urgency: https://resilient-rx.com/bladderdiary/

I’ll see you in two weeks!